If you seek me, you WILL find me.
One of my new year resolution is to be completely healed emotionally from the shipwrecked year I had in 2016.
I still have a lot of questions and doubts. Thoughts that get entangled in my mind, feelings that is uncertain.
I was afraid of relationships all over again. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of getting hurt again.
The 'formula' I had for life seemed to have fallen apart and my step towards Singapore this year is a sign of TOTAL surrender and submission to God. I have nothing left of my own to hold on to except to hold on to God.
My plans for life seemed to have made a turn towards where I have never imagined myself to be.
But that is how it is, isn't it?
Yesterday in the middle of the night as I was chatting with a friend, I said "I wish to hear more clearly from God personally". Then I went to sleep.
This morning I totally overslept. Though I have to say that I was really fully rested. But I woke up to my alarm ringing only after I'm awake, to check that it's already 8:52am, when breakfast was at 7.30am and my classes started at 8.30am. Long story short, I sneaked in to class during Break time and apologize to the lecturer that I had overslept and it won't happen again. She was merciful.
After class, a friend told me that there is Anglican Holy Communion service at 5:15pm this evening. and that people usually are on time for such things and are not late. (I was late for the past 2 Anglican chapels!). But she put it in such a way that chapels are a time to wind-down and let us slow down our pace from studies and whatever that we're doing and is a good time to rest and receive. So well-said.
So of course, after being warned, I appeared at chapel at 4:45pm (30min before the starting time!)
I had all the time to chill and reflect and talk to people and calm myself down before service starts.
During service, Rev. Joseph said that he had prepared a sermon 2 days ago but last night when he was praying, God prompted him to change his message. He was reluctant because he was busy. Then he went to bed, and woke up again, and slept. When he woke up in the morning, he couldn't resist what God was speaking anymore so he rewrote his message. He believes that this message is something personal from God's heart that God wants him to deliver to us. (In my heart I was longing to hear from Him. I was like, God please let this be for me.)
Passage: John 1:43-51
Jesus found Philip and told him 'Come, follow me'.
Philip went to Nathanael and told him about Jesus, Nathanael was skeptical and asked "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"
Philip told him to "Come and see"
Nath went and Jesus told him that Jesus saw him sitting by the fig tree even before he came to Jesus.
Nath just believed right there and then.
Jesus said, "just because i said i saw you then you believed? I tell you, you will see even greater things than that."
(A thought crossed my mind, if only I can trust as easily as Nath. I wish to be like him. So trusting)
Rev. J shared that, many times, we are like Nathanael, have our own 'framework' of beliefs and understanding about people and life.
When Nath asked "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" He was understanding the person of Jesus through his own fixed 'framework' of mind.
This spoke to me immediately.
'framework' , 'formula' of life. I have those. I live by those.
But sometimes this becomes an obstacle to us in connecting to God.
"Breakthrough only comes after some breaking happens"
He says that, It is time to break down our own 'framework' of relationships, ministries and our lives.
So that God can move.
Maybe we are afraid to be hurt again. and someone is telling God that I'll rather not do that again because i am afraid of getting hurt again.
But God is telling that He is walking with us.
Things do not have to happen within our own 'framework' . He works it in His own way.
and He has it taken care of. There is no need to hold control over it because He will make it happen. He is in control.
As we close in prayer, I prayed that "God, I just said I want to hear from you more clearly. And on that same night, you prompted Rev J to change his message. Prompted my friend to ask me not to be late for chapel. All so that this message could be spoken directly to me. I want to deny that this message might be for someone else and it might just be a coincidence but I just cannot bring myself to deny that any longer. I asked for you to speak to me, and immediately, you did."
I opened my eyes to blurry tears in them.
"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jer 29:13
I still have a lot of questions and doubts. Thoughts that get entangled in my mind, feelings that is uncertain.
I was afraid of relationships all over again. Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of getting hurt again.
The 'formula' I had for life seemed to have fallen apart and my step towards Singapore this year is a sign of TOTAL surrender and submission to God. I have nothing left of my own to hold on to except to hold on to God.
My plans for life seemed to have made a turn towards where I have never imagined myself to be.
But that is how it is, isn't it?
Abraham did not know where he is headed to when God asked him to leave Ur, his hometown.
Where Lord?
"Just go, and I'll show you"
Abraham did not understand when God said that he is going to have a child at that old age
How Lord?
"Just believe, and I'll show you"
Abraham did not get it when God asked him to take the life of his own son whom God had gifted to him
WHY LORD?????
"Just trust, and I'll show you"
Yesterday in the middle of the night as I was chatting with a friend, I said "I wish to hear more clearly from God personally". Then I went to sleep.
This morning I totally overslept. Though I have to say that I was really fully rested. But I woke up to my alarm ringing only after I'm awake, to check that it's already 8:52am, when breakfast was at 7.30am and my classes started at 8.30am. Long story short, I sneaked in to class during Break time and apologize to the lecturer that I had overslept and it won't happen again. She was merciful.
After class, a friend told me that there is Anglican Holy Communion service at 5:15pm this evening. and that people usually are on time for such things and are not late. (I was late for the past 2 Anglican chapels!). But she put it in such a way that chapels are a time to wind-down and let us slow down our pace from studies and whatever that we're doing and is a good time to rest and receive. So well-said.
So of course, after being warned, I appeared at chapel at 4:45pm (30min before the starting time!)
I had all the time to chill and reflect and talk to people and calm myself down before service starts.
During service, Rev. Joseph said that he had prepared a sermon 2 days ago but last night when he was praying, God prompted him to change his message. He was reluctant because he was busy. Then he went to bed, and woke up again, and slept. When he woke up in the morning, he couldn't resist what God was speaking anymore so he rewrote his message. He believes that this message is something personal from God's heart that God wants him to deliver to us. (In my heart I was longing to hear from Him. I was like, God please let this be for me.)
Passage: John 1:43-51
Jesus found Philip and told him 'Come, follow me'.
Philip went to Nathanael and told him about Jesus, Nathanael was skeptical and asked "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?"
Philip told him to "Come and see"
Nath went and Jesus told him that Jesus saw him sitting by the fig tree even before he came to Jesus.
Nath just believed right there and then.
Jesus said, "just because i said i saw you then you believed? I tell you, you will see even greater things than that."
(A thought crossed my mind, if only I can trust as easily as Nath. I wish to be like him. So trusting)
Rev. J shared that, many times, we are like Nathanael, have our own 'framework' of beliefs and understanding about people and life.
When Nath asked "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" He was understanding the person of Jesus through his own fixed 'framework' of mind.
This spoke to me immediately.
'framework' , 'formula' of life. I have those. I live by those.
But sometimes this becomes an obstacle to us in connecting to God.
"Breakthrough only comes after some breaking happens"
He says that, It is time to break down our own 'framework' of relationships, ministries and our lives.
So that God can move.
Maybe we are afraid to be hurt again. and someone is telling God that I'll rather not do that again because i am afraid of getting hurt again.
But God is telling that He is walking with us.
Things do not have to happen within our own 'framework' . He works it in His own way.
and He has it taken care of. There is no need to hold control over it because He will make it happen. He is in control.
As we close in prayer, I prayed that "God, I just said I want to hear from you more clearly. And on that same night, you prompted Rev J to change his message. Prompted my friend to ask me not to be late for chapel. All so that this message could be spoken directly to me. I want to deny that this message might be for someone else and it might just be a coincidence but I just cannot bring myself to deny that any longer. I asked for you to speak to me, and immediately, you did."
I opened my eyes to blurry tears in them.
"You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jer 29:13
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